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HUMOROUS VERSE 



ON 



CURRENT EVENTS 

AND OTHER THINGS 



By D. V. Bush 



Published ol Lake Preston, S. D. 
By The Peace Poet and Bard of Loke Preston 

A Aonthly Oelup, TakeoU & Opinion 



Copy, 13c 



Year. $1.30 



JUN 15 1916 

S)CI.B:jG2 2(i2 

Vol. 1 Lake Preston, S. D. No 1. 

Application made for entry at the Lake Preston S. D., 
postoffice as second class matter. 



Humorous Verse 

On Current Events and Other 
Topics. 



August Number, 1916 



Copyright 1916 by D. V. Bush 



ROOSEVELT \ . v"^ \<\^ 



^> 



it's reported Roosevelt will not plead his case at 
the Chicago convention — he thinks his views are 
known. — News item. 

If every hamlet town and dell 

Don't know our Teddy's views, 
Say Citizen, I'm here to tell 

It's not because of news. 



If we don't know this hunter's views 

It's no wit fault of his. 
For well he knows the use of news, 
He's used it in his biz. 



If we don't know where Teddy stands 

We have'nt read the press; 
At home, abroad in foreign lands — 

In the headlines he has dressed. 



If -a "bear is killed, a squirrel drops dead, 
Or a skunk should cross his trail. 

We see his wonders flared in red, 
Should the game be moose or quail. 

If a prize fight's on, or a divorce. 
If Susie elopes with Jim. 



-J» 



He sees a golden chance perforce 
To advertise just him. 

yes. we know his views, we do, 
^ And what he'd do, and think, 

^^ Should some not know (only a few)- 

'^ It's not because of ink. 



WHAT GERMANY FEARS MOST 



"I am convinced that Germany will pei'mit 
neither war nor even a break of diplomatic rela- 
tions with the United States"***a factor on which 
the outcome of the war in Europe easily may turn, 
is Uncle Sam's stuffed pocket book." — Gray, May 
1916. 

The biggest purse will win the war 

Says Germany today, 
To keep the allies from our banks 

Is the one way she can slay 
The English and her enemies; 

So wise old Fatherland 
Had better keep the peace with us, 

With wealthy Uncle Sam. 

Before they'll break with the U. S. A. 

And have our money go 

To the allies and her enemies 

To help her deadly foe, 
They'll think twice, the Germans will, 

They have a mighty head; 
Yes sir, they fear our money banks 

Much more than all our lead. 

So she will talk with Wilson, now, 

And write a note or two. 
But really Germany is wise 

And knows what she should do 
4 



To have a hope to beat her foes — 

So here's a toast we give; 
"Let's settle this on friendly terms, 
Our friendship, may it live!" 



CLEAN UP WEEK 



Gov. Byrne has appointed a "Clean up Peek," in a 
recent proclamation. 



Roll up your sleeve, a brand clean sleeve, 
Use apron spick and span, 
In spotless white, such a sight! 

We're s'oin<>: to clean our land. 



The centuries long in the past 
Pooh-hooed the cleaning thought, 

But cleanliness we now confess 

Much change in our race has wrought. 



Clean up the land and barn yard. 
Clean alley and clean street 

And renovate the "sunshine state," 
No plague spots now to meet. 



Our children's children yet to be 

Will wonder with concern 
That their forbears, with other cares, 

Had to wai_^t for Governor Byrne. 



BE A BOOSTER 



Boost and the world boosts with you. 

Knock and you feel alone; 
If you're to win, thru thick and thin, 

You must have the booster tone. 



Kick, and your shins feel tender, 

Boost and you'll put it thru; 
If you whoop 'er up, with the great you'll sup; 

Kick and you're with the few. 



Boost and the world respects you, 
Knock, and it turns its face; 

The booster will meet success complete; 
For the knocker, there is no place. 



Knock and the doors are bolted. 

Boost and they open wide; 
For the knocker lad gets in real bad 

And finds he's set aside. 



Lift and the load is easy. 

Lean and it seems too much, 
For when you lean you weaken the beam. 

And the bretchen will break at a touch. 

7 



Boost and fate will help you, 

Knock and ill winds blow, 
With every rock you're skiff will rock, 

Who tries will find it so. 



Boost and your spirit is happy. 
Knock and sour you'll feel; 

For the knocker man, in all the land. 
Is pinned by fate's iron heel. 



Boost and the world is with you. 

Knock and you are alone, 
For the booster man is the one who "can"- 

Boost for your town and home. 

— From Inspirational Poems, by D. V. Bush. 



RACE SUICIDE'S THE THING 



"Foi'ct" real race suic'de on flies; it's the only ef- 
foetive method of \vai"fare against them; keep flies 
fiom breeding.,, — A. D. Wilson. 



To swat the pesky fly 

In this age is too slow; 
Now we have a new one 

(Not thought of long ago.) 

Race suicide the fly 

That's it, why, easy, see- 
Kill them before they're born, 

As easy as can be. 

Why stop with the pesky fly? 

There are other pests galore, 
Just say a hundred thousand, 

A million, yea, and more. 

Now there's the gossip creature. 
How long we've sought their doom, 

Race suicide the gossip, 

And thus for truth niakc i-oom. 

Tlic kiiOcker, ye god-;! 

V,'' ve tried to keep Ir.m down, 
And shed the world- of him 

But still he sticks around. 
9 



The "end seat hog" on the trolley 
We've tried to kill or shame, 

And though we've done our best 
He bobs up just the same. 

The gossiper. the knocker, 
The end seat man, the "hog," 

To clean the world of them — 
Just suicide the "dog." 

And then there is the criminal, 
Likewise the pesky flea — 

To rid ourselves of both. 
Race suicide — you see? 

The briars on the rosebush. 

The stinger on the bee: 
Race suicide's the answer, 

As easy as can be. 

Race suicide's the answer. 

Just give the glad news wing, 

But how are we going to do it? 
Ah, that's another thing. 



10 



FISHING 

Fishermen anxiously await the opening of the 
season. Only five days of waiting remain before the 
piscatorial sport begins. — News item. 

How slow the time is passing 
As the fisher sits and waits, 

As he gets the fishing tackle, 
As he plans on "flies" and baits. 

Is there any irritation 

So irritatingly 
As to have to wait the season 
For the fish (and for the flea.) 

Five more days of waiting 

Before the season's here; 
Five more days of torture, 

To wait that long's a year! 

The fishing rod and tackle, 

The basket and the bait 
Are ready, have been ready — 

He can only sit and wait. 

But as I think of fishing 

There's another wait or two, 

Besides the "opening season" — ■ 
Has it ever come to you? 
11 



The season is half over, 

You've tried a dozen times, 
You've sat and you have waited 

By six or eig'liteen lines 

And not a nary bite you've had 

(0, 'tis a different wait) 
You've tried a "fly", a worm, a toad. 

In fact each kind of bait 

But .not a nibble did you get 
(Yes, that's a fisher's wait) 

Your luck, howe'er, was just the same 
With each and every bait 

Another wait in the fishing- game 
Comes floating to my mind — 

And that's the wait for supper 

When you've hauled in every line. 

So hungry that a grizzly bear 

Would taste like venison, 
And yet you had to start a fire 

And wait— O the fisher's fun(?) 

Perhaps it rained that fishing day 

And every bit of wood 
Was wet and damp and hard to li'^ht- 

You dying for some food; 

You light a dozen fire brands 
You wait and wait some more 
12 



(The fishing game has lots of waitrj-- 
You've noticed that before). 

You've h.ad ac poor a meal to 'lo\''>i 

As a cannibal could eat 
But thought it was the best on earth; 

No chair — the ground your seat. 

And not to rest, to sleep, to dream, 

Or should I say to snore? 
But sakes alive' mosquitoes thick — 

You WAIT, as said before. 

You cannot sleep with a million pecks 

The mosquitoes with all. 
And so you WAIT till sunrise comes — 

Another WAIT, that's gall. 

You WAIT to catch a ride back home, 

You WAIT to fix a tire, 
You WAIT to buy some fish to show 

What luck you had, you" liar! 

Your wife, she WAITS upon you, too. 

To soothe your aching head, 
To put some salve upon sun burns — 

For 0, you're nearly dead. 

The work you do the whole year through 

Is tame to fishing, Ned, 
'You've had the "one time of your life" 
But it's mostly in your head. 
13 



EGG WEEK 



The State Prohibition Committee decides to ask 
every woman in the state raising chickens to give 
all the eggs her hens lays during the week of May 
25th to 31st for the Temperance cause. — News item. 

Get up, hurry up, cinmb up, and skurry up, 

The women are on their way. 

Eggs they'll give, coal they'll sieve, to help the 

temperance day. 
Think now, when and how, cream and cow, pig and 

sow, ) 

Can help the temperance wave. 
Suppose we save, grass or hay. the liquor curse to 

stave. 
Cow week, milk week, cream week, dairy week — 
Why not give these a trial? 
Good old Brindle (cow bells jingle) to give, make 

this the style. 
Wheat week, corn week, rye week and barley week 
Why not have all of these? 
Alfalfa week, strawberry week, and do not slight 

the bees. 
A dozen weeks, a hundred weeks, of giving we 

could name 
But won't have to do that. 
For barley corn, John Barleycorn, will fall before 

that time. 

14 



IT'S COMING 



The Booster's and Builder's Association of South 
Dakota recommends state wide prohibition. — News 
item. 

Statewide prohibition, say the boosters of our state 
To make a better country, wipe Hquor from our 

slate. 
The wets have tried for centuries, they've had us 

by the throat, 
But now we mean to beat them — we've stripped 

our hat and coat. 

No longer are we frightened by liquor's threats 

and schemes, 
But rather we're emboldened by liquor's horrid 

scenes. 
No longer do we question prosperity when it's dry; 
We know it is a fallacy that facts have knocked 

sky high. 

The taxes they are lighter when the territory's dry, 
Less men are in the work-house, less drunkards 

when men die. 
Insanity's reduced, and want and care and woe 
Are banished from our borders — King Alcohol 

must go! 

The children of the drinker get more to wear 
and eat, 

15 



The table's spread much better; no weary unclad 

feet. 
The wife who's borne the burden of liquor's bitter 

sting- 
Is now a happy woman, just listen to her sing. 

The dire fireside and pantry, the family filled with 

fear 
Is now a place of plenty, when prohibition's here. 
So nation-wide it's coming, see the jubilee 
When America, America, from the liquor traffic's 

free! 

The state wide campaign pending' will help the na- 
tional tide, 

So we will boost for temperance until it's nation 
wide. 



16 



SKIRTS 

skirts to hnthing suits -bat to 



Wonu'ii to wear no 
have liloomers.— News item. 

No skirts for lovely woman 
.'u-e shocking in this day; 

But would not be so shocking 
In the stone age. let us say, 



Or in the land of cannibals 

Where man's brute force has wnig. 
But women without skirts, to us. 

Is quite another thing. 

To think of women of this day 
Whom we adore, revere, 

To see them travel without skirt 
Is shocking to us, sir. 

No hats, no skirts, no nothing? . _ 
'T31oomers she's going to don— 

Oh! that relieves the tension; 
She'll really have somethmg on. 



17 



'APPRECIATION WEEK'' 



The Builders and Boosters Association of South 
Dakota whose primary purpose is to up build and 
advertise the resources and leading interests of the 
state has appointed "Appreciation Week" as it's first 
gun on it's Booster program. — News Item. 

The man owes much to Uncle Sam 

Who lives within his bounds! 
The country's blest 'bove every land; 

"Uncle Sam," how sweet it sounds! 

We all should stand by the U. S. A. 

And boost and laud and praise, 
But who would not his STATE, I say. 

Boost too — HER fair name raise? 

So South Dakota, the "sun shine state," 

The land of wealth untold, 
We doff our hats and thank our fate 

We're numbered in thy fold. 

On the booster wagon now we'll meet 

And all the country fill 
That South Dakota cannot be beat! 

We raise her banner till 

The whole world knows of our fair land 

And what we here can boast, 
"Appreciation Week" — we stand 

To pledge our hearty toast. 
18 



So rally, men of the "sun diine state," 

Tog-other let u,5 stand 
Aid whoop 'er up, before too late, 

To advertise our land. 

Yea, stand as one to tell abroad 

So all the world can hear; 
Yea, stand united, men, to laud! 

For South Dakota cheer! 

"Appreciation Week" is nigh; 

Strike up the band and play 
And lift our baner to the sky, 

She leads them all, hurrah! 



19 



KEEP PLODDING 

If you think you're "down and out, 

Keep plodding. 
If today you're on the rout. 

Keep plodding. 
Other days are coming yet 
When you'll win, that you can bet, 
0, sometimes 'tis best to sweat 

By plodding. 



If you're tired and if you're failed, 

Keep plodding. 
Other heroes who've been hailed 

Kept plodding. 
Other men saw all was lost. 
Other ones on billows tossed; 
Yea, they too have paid the cost 

By plodding. 



If your ship has not come in, 

Keep plodding. 
For some time you're bound to win 

By plodding. 
Every ship must meet the gale 
Every effort, every sail. 
Must be used if we prevail — 

Keep plodding. 
20 



If your own's not cq^Vn/ to you, 

Keep plodding. 
Success is yours, if you but knew, 

By plodding. 
Just across the roughest street 
There success you'll surely meet 
And your efforts win complete 

By plodding. 

From Inspirational Poem, by D. V. Bush. 



21 



SEE OUR STATE ''U" FIRST 



The young men of our nation, 
Likewise the women, too, 

Seek higher education — 
Only the best will do. 

Some times we have a notion, 

Or is it but a craze? 
The best things of creation 

In other lands are raised. 

Sometimes we seek a rainbow 
At the other side of earth. 

When "acres of diamonds", lo! 
Are hidden "neath the earth. 

There's many a man who's debtor 

To education grand. 
Yet thinks that it is better 

Way off in another land. 

When thinking of your "million" 
And your learning to pursue. 

Just go down to Vermillion 

And visit our grand state "U." 

Investigate by all means. 

Attend the classes, too; 
Facilities, it seems, 

Can satisfy e'en you. 



There's every kind of merit 
From forum to the sport, 

From faculty to "spirit" — • 
The best of all, in short. 

We want that you should help us 
To make this state of thine 
As great in education 
As found in any clime. 

So every "son of Adam," 
Each South Dakota man, 

(And don't forget the women) 
Can help us — that you can. 

See first our own domain, 
"America First"— yes, do! 

That loyalty maintain — 

See first our grand State "U." 



23 



THE TRUTH ABOUT VILLA 

Villa woLiiuled; surrounded; legless; dead; alive— 
<() it is reported in the press. 

The newspapers of this land of ours 
Must keep their i-eaders awake, 

And give them a thrill — good news or ill— 
Whether genuine or fake. 

So when the war news of the day 
Becomes quite light and dry, 

Headlines come out — the newsies shout: 
"Villa about to die." 

Edition of the morning press 

S-iys he is gone; is dead; 
The evening papers say, nay — 

He was but now is fled. 

"Villa will soon surrender;"' 

"Now caught;"' so speaks the press; 

"Alive!" "No, dead!" both ways, 'tis said, 
"Not yet. we missed our guess." 

And after we are thrilled so much 
On Villa we 11 thrill no more, 

The press wil find, they're never bind. 
Some other thrills galore. 

We pay the price, the press keeps on 
Afinding plenty news; 
24 



It's fun for them — newspaper men — 
To touch off some new fuse. 

And when the news of yesterday 
Is stale and none today, 

These journal men — they have the ken- 
Will invent something to say. 



25 



YOUS BOY AND WAR LORDS 



Staid u]i the soldiers as ten pins, 
And rend and riddle and tear; 

When half are dead, war just begins — 
See the ghastly, deadly stare! 



A volley's fired and a thousand fall, 
Those dead, what a haven gained; 

But hark! ye hear the awful call 
Of tortured men and maimed. 



Stand up the soldiers as targets 
To please the ruling "lord;" 

The sons of men but largess 
Bequeathed by the gods of war. 



Stand up your sons, YOUR sons, men. 

To fight, to die, to slay; 
When war is o'er, we ask what then 

Have ye for this sad array? 

Stand up your sons, YOUR sons, to shoot; 

Blaze! bang! blaze! 
They're killed like beasts or taught to loot, 

It's hell that war has raised! 

26 



stand up your son, YOUR son, today, 

The boy so dear to YOUI 
And let 'em fire and blaze away, 

Be shot, be killed, yes, do! 



Stand up your son, YOUR son, my friend, 

To have his heart shot thru; 
No nursing- hand can there attend — 

Ah, war is reaching you. 



Stand up your son to curse and holler 
For vengeance, death and hate, 

Then see him shot and fall and waller — ■ 
"War's got him", tho 'tis late. 

Stand up your son, YOUR son, my man. 

And see him bite the dust, 
All blood-besmirched — strike up the band 

And play for war, for lust. 



Stand up your son, YOUR son, mother. 

Ah, see him sink to death; 
Send to the front his youngest brother, 

To human cries be deaf. 

Stand up your son, YOUR son, mother. 
Look! bloody is his head! 

27 



Have you more sons? Then send another 
To be numbered with the dead! 



Stand up your sons as ten pins, 
And see them fall like sticks! 

Your sons are paying for the sins 
Of war lords and their tricks. 



So stand them up for cannon food, 
For wai- lords to command; 

It is the war lords' bloody mood 
Brings such curse to the land. 



Stand up YOUR sons for war lords. 

Stand up your boys for them, 
And let them die by guns and swords, 

For war lords, kill your men. 



28 



AND I WILL LOVE THEE STILL 



Somewhere in the ag-es rolling- my soul was meant 

for thine, 
I sought you here and found you, you ever have 

been mine. 
Ive loved thee from beginning, I'll love thee to 

the last. 
My soul was made for thee, my love; our love shall 

hold us fast. 



The power of men and sages, empires and king- 
doms build, 

They'll sway and then they'll scatter, but I will 
love thee still. 

"When the youngest star in glory is old with hoary 
time 

We'll still be youthful lovers; with age, our love 
will bind. 



When the "Book of Life" is opened and eternity 

just begun, 
I'll love thee then and always, till the end of earth 

and sun. 
You have my head, my heart, my very soul and will 
I'll love thee till suns shall crumble, and then I'll 

love thee still. 

2d 



I'll love thee till the elements dissolve and dis- 
appear. 

And then in all eternity YU love but you, my dear. 

I love thee, I love thee! And I will love thee till 

The world is burned to ashes, and then I'll love 
thee still. 

From Soul Poems and Other Verse, bj' D. V. Bush. 



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